What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 08:33
I couldn’t, believe it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why does my girlfriend keep asking me if I love her?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
What are the withdrawal symptoms of Klonopin 1mg?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Comes on , in middle age.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was 9 years of age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
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One cannot live in the past .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why didn’t Obito confront Kakashi after he witnessed him kill Rin?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So whats the point in blame.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why are people becoming increasingly hostile to pro-lifers? I am pro-life.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What are the best examples of reverse psychology?
Put me off passion for life!!
But, we were locked up after school.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Would this be the day?
And i lived it daily.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But it wasn’t much.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She found it foreign!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She wouldn,t have been !
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im still living with it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He knew the spot.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I think the readers, may guess!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What did i know ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were not on the streets..
I don,t even have a pension.
My life is so biszare .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We all went to grammer schools
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I never cut or harmed myself..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I could never make a relationship work though!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I said to her
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My family never makes their pension either.
When she asked me how she looked .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She was in good health!
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Was to survive, this bastard.
All the time i was locked up.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Ive learnt so much.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Who then, do I blame.?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
(And it was in our own minds.)
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I have no regrets .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.